Post New Moon and Survival Mode _ 7.21.20
Thoughts on survival mode, well-being, and the key to everything.
In a matter of a month, I feel like I’ve rebirthed into a new person. With new eyes. I’m at awe. I feel in flow with the beauty and mystery that is life.
I was granted things I’ve desired — things I’ve wished for over 6–8 months ago have happened.
Granted, nothing is as it seems, or as I thought it would be. Nonetheless, I continue to remind myself to wake up with gratitude. It gets easier to not attach to fear of the unknown. To feel into this creative flow instead of a desire to control it.
It’s a post-New Moon (in Cancer). For those of us who aren’t into the whole moon phase thing, that’s alright.
For those who are kind of in-tune, then you know where I’m coming from, especially for the empaths who deeply feel their emotions in relativity to how they can create their realities. I’m vastly surprised by what this New Moon in Cancer has brought up for me compared to the last one.
Now that I am open to feel the many things, relationships, and opportunities that are in harmony for me, of course, my shadows come up.
Shadows like survival mode, unworthiness, lack, and catastrophizing into the worst possible scenarios…
Survival mode is when you release way too many stress hormones (unconsciously sometimes) because you’re focused on the things/energy that makes you feel like you don’t have enough or a lack thereof instead of feeling into what is happening at the moment, its possibilities and opportunities to create.
Dealing with shadow or all things dark is normal, but it’s been a full-on universal test to what I am considered ready for. Whether that is the commitment to opportunities, to people, to friendships, to just simply dive deeper into authenticity and compassion.
As fast it comes in is as fast it will go out.
My triggers came upon a walk I had.
Is this real? There’s no way…
Maybe this opportunity will fall through the cracks…
But, what if it just doesn’t work out? Idk about this…
It’s like, always thinking about the rug being pulled from your feet, or the opportunities that “will fall through”, or “omg, I have only this much money in the bank, but fuck, it’s not enough or it’s going to be gone soon”, or that one love you know is for you, but you think is not deserving for someone like you.
Man, what?! Survival mode is fucking bull!
But at that moment during my walk, I was aware of those triggers — my old thoughts and feelings on what success, love, money, everything was.
It made me think about how intricately ingrained survival mode can be stuck in my body for 20-something years and that I have not fully released it, let it go, or allowed myself to enjoy that present moment. It reminded me that inner work is never fucking over.
Change is motion. To transform yourself everyday, stay moving.
But, I have to laugh because now that my conscious awareness is tuned up, the triggers do not affect me as much as it used to — it’s just another reminder that there is more healing, reflecting, and accepting to do, to fully bask in what I deserve, which is obviously that unconditional pure love and abundant energy.
I choose a different perspective. And with that awareness of choosing to think, act, feel, and do, everything and anything is possible. Lose limitations.
I choose to feel joy. I choose to be here and create my reality, without expectations. I choose to be deserving because I am deserving of abundance. I choose to be open to love and accept myself and others unconditionally. All that is, will be.
So, how have you been feeling post-New Moon (July 20)?
